Full Disclaimer

This is not a scientific theory, nor is it a provable scenario. And although it might be based on some actual, factual information, no one who reads it should give it more than a cursory examination. And by no means should anyone reading this now decide later to have portions of of its text tattooed on their buttocks. (Although, if you do, we want pictures. -Oz) 

The person writing this "document" is not an authority, an expert, or legally qualified to dispense even an aspirin. Often, persons found following this boob's advice have been badly injured... even maimed. An entire truckload of plumbing supplies once dislodged (nearly destroying the city of Valdese, NC ) after a lightly given "that'll do" (uttered over the knot holding the whole mess on the truck). Under no circumstances should you, having read the following words, do much more than chuckle and move on with your life. I mean why wouldn't you? Nothing you'll gain from absorbing this information will profit you in any way. All I'm saying is, don't take it too seriously. Oh, and I'd stay away from the whole umbrella/rooftop thing too. 

1. Under no circumstances should anyone reading this take it seriously. It's meant to be fun, and at most meant to make the reader think. I'm not trying to change the reader's mind, and I'm not trying to offend the reader's sensibilities. Always keep in mind that the author of these "pearls of wisdom" ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer. In fact, he's proven to be an idiot most of his life so don't follow his advice, or take his opinion any more seriously than you would a Nigerian Banking E-mail. 
2. Speaking of Nigerian Banks, don't send me your crap. I've been online 2 - 4 hours a day since 1998, and I guarantee by the time you've received a forward in your e-mail, I've received it 1000 times already. I don't appreciate having my e-mail address attached to a forward, as that's why I get 100 spam e-mails a day. On the other hand, I love getting personal e-mails from NoTOW readers, and I enjoy hearing your comments, adventures, and stories of your day to day life, so please by all means send those. If you want to attach files or pictures, keep in mind that I am on a dial-up connection so keep them as small as possible, and restrain yourself to things that are truly important to you. Family pictures, pet pictures (I think dogs and cats are great) etc... If you want to send me any risque' pictures of yourself, feel free, although I can promise you, you don't want me to return the favor. 
3. Finally, you folks are important to me. I want you to know that I consider each and every person on this list an extended member of the family. I know most of you personally, and even those I haven't met yet are important to me. If you have an event, a milestone, or even a problem that you would like the entire community to know about, pray about, be thinking about... Feel free to contact me and I'll gladly spread the word. If you want to let me in on something important to you without allowing the rest of the NOTOW community to know, then once again feel free to contact me. If you want to stop receiving these e-mails simply contact me and I'll gladly remove you with no hurt feelings whatsoever. I want you to enjoy them, if that changes, I would like to be the first to know. 

All News of the Outside World© commentary is the property and copyright of Fotno Lafontaine, and shall not be re-printed or re-distributed without the author's permission.